There was some hubbub recently over breakfast cereal-makers’ claims that products for kids can boost health. Kellogg decided to discontinue its on-the-box statement that Rice Krispies “Now Helps Support Your Child’s Immunity,” after it added “antioxidants” to the iconic product, which, incidentally, my daughter continues to enjoy many mornings.

Lately I read that Froot Loops is touting itself as a “source of fiber,” with a whole two grams of the stuff helping to keep junior’s trains running on time. Yogurt and its probiotics has moved from being a 1970s product to help frumpy mom’s watch weight, to being a dose of digestive goodness – provided you ingest it every day for at least three weeks and every day thereafter for the rest of your life.

It seems that the best way to sell food these days is not to tout its taste, but to portray it as medicine. Chocolate, coffee, blueberries, tea, milk, cheese, red meat, eggs, corn ships . . . I’ve seen all of these foods marketed as a health-inducing product, never mind the calories, fat and cholesterol. Eat twice as much and feel twice as good! Yeah.

In fact, researching and communicating the health benefits of anything seems to be the secret sauce to sales.

Which of course leads me to newspapers and magazines.

Couldn’t the floundering publishing world benefit from researching the wholesome goodness of magazines? What about the brain-boosting power of papers? And let’s not forget the certain Alzheimer’s-busting benefits of periodicals. Certainly publishers facing declining subscription and advertising revenues would do well to conduct a few clinical studies to prove that reading quality editorial content is equivalent to ingesting a handful of high-potency omega-3 tablets.

I can see it now: the New York Times adds a matching right-hand ear-lug, “All the news that keeps you fit.”

And perhaps some scientist somewhere has been commissioned to develop a paper-like substance made from pure bran, so that after you digest the morning news, you can crumple/crumble it into a bowl and start your digestion all over again, all the smarter for it, as a regular person should be.